do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
