Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
