ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
