Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
