she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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