Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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