I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
