Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
