I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
