He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
