That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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