Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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