he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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