so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
