I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
