If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
