I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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