So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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