Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
