the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
