dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
