Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
