Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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