i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
