I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
