Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
