Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
whose ass print is on the piano?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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