...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
