you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
