So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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