dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
