Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
