Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
