we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
