so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
