is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
