4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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