So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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