I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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