The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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