I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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