I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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