Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
