This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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