I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
