so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
