So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
