He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
