I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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