I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
